Sunday's ART of Truth - A Soul's Heartbeat - Junk Journal Collage Cover Process
Hello Friends,
I am so glad that we are friends and that we are all so very beautifully human. I get lost a lot along the way. Do you?
So, obvious business first. I have struggled with the idea of coming back after such a dramatic exit. I am thankful for God's grace that allows me to step back, examine, try again, make mistakes & return to myself. Our stories play such a huge part of how we navigate current life, don't they? It can be so hard to pull apart. It is often impossible to see what drives us. Why do we do what we do? What are we needing? what are we trying to fix or conquer? Is it the past? Is it our unfinished business?
I first want to share that I don't feel a sense of regret about the coming and going. I do, however feel frustrated that often, I cannot see clearly and I still make emotional decisions. Our passions and beliefs are powerful contenders. I am so grateful that I learn lessons along the way. I learn more about who I am and what I need to navigate through difficult things. I walked away, hid, disconnected from friends and family. While, I told myself I was clinging to good things here, close to home; the truth was that I was running from me. Once again, I had lost a sense of who I was/am.
My original reasons to abandoning Facebook and YouTube are still very real. However, in examining my own heart and taking sometime to come back to my center, I realized that there are many ways to fight a war. There are ways to stand up for what you believe in. There is prayer around the things that I believe are morally and ethically wrong. The old way of dealing is to throw the baby out with the bath water (excuse the example, but it is what fit) I am finding new ways of standing up. I need to be where my people are. I cannot be an island of myself. I need people in my life. I will use Facebook and YouTube to be me and to share a little spot of my world and hopefully continue to inspire others :-)
That being said, during this time away, I have found deep peace with Jesus. A growing sense and connection with who I am. Trying to learn to be un-apologetically, me. After all, everyone else is taken, right? It feels like a life long process to figure that all out. Okay, I digress :-)
While away from social media and YouTube, I have fallen in love with reading again. Enjoying things at a slower pace. Eating better. Prioritizing my home and my marriage. Taking the time to do things that are good for my soul. Creating for me first and, others second.
In that place, I began exploring paper crafting again. I created my first junk journal a couple of weeks ago. At this point, I am not sure how I am going to use it, but I am sure something will come to me. I loved it so much, I created a second one. As I was playing with the paper and preparing to bind the journal, the title came to me with clarity and depth. A Soul's Heartbeat. At that moment, I knew why I had created it and what I would use it for. At that moment, a gazillion things came together and I felt my heart, mind and body take a giant breath.
I have a closet full of journals. I mean full. I don't even know how many 3 ring huge binders there are, but a LOT. It's funny how things pop into our head and pop back out :-) I have been struggling with those journals. Struggling with what to do with them. What purpose do they serve? Why do I keep them? What am I going to do with them as I age and what will happen with them when I leave this world? That was months and months ago.
I quickly realized that a junk journal would be a colorful, artistic and personal way to record story. I fell in love. A Soul's Heartbeat is a way for me to create and record snippets in these journals that record the story that I want to leave behind. Perhaps, one day, I will have a bonfire for all those journals. Who knows?
Entering this junk journal process has reminded me of so many things that are so important. Things that are vital to who I am, why I am and where I want to go. My authentic self. My whole, authentic self. There is such peace as I create the little bits for this journal, which I am sure will be one of many. Each page was chosen in connection to a part of me, my life and my story. It is exciting to create hidden places in the journal where I can write just a snippet, a memory incognito, so to speak :-)
This journal cover was made using collage bits from pages that are part of the book. The fabrics as well. I love the lace accents and the feminine quality of it. It feels like my soul. It feels whole. Beautiful. This weekend, I am heading to my favorite place on the coast to spend some time alone. I will be hand stitching all these elements permanently on the panel here, which will become one part of the cover of the journal.
So, my friends, I am back. I will create will freedom and abandon. I will not allow myself to feel pressured to be on a schedule or follow pre-designed prompts (often self imposed) I will post and share with you all because that is part of who I am. It is how God made me.
My friends, if you are still here and reading :-) I hope that this made some modicum of sense. If not, that's okay too :-)
You do you, I will do me :-)
Blessings (and thanks for not giving up on me)
Beloved-Reborn
